New Year, New Look, Another Try

Lisa and my daughter Hope, both told me last night that they missed my blogging and that I should write again. So, I brought up the site...dusted off the keyboard and took one look at the format and went...Yeah, too dark. And here is the new look! I like that it's brighter and happier to look at. SO...here's to a new year, new look and a return of Vince from the blog!

Calling Mr. Lewis

“There is but one good; that is God. Everything else is good when it looks to Him and bad when it turns from Him.”

“There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, in the end, "Thy will be done." All that are in Hell, choose it. Without that self-choice there could be no Hell. No soul that seriously and constantly desires joy will ever miss it. Those who seek find. Those who knock it is opened.”

“Good beats upon the damned incessantly as sound waves beat on the ears of the deaf, but they cannot receive it. Their fists are clenched, their teeth are clenched, their eyes fast shut. First they will not, in the end they cannot, open their hands for gifts, or their mouth for food, or their eyes to see.”

At my ripe 55 years of age, I have heard MANY quotes from C.S. Lewis, I've heard countless sermons that have referred either to his works or his life...however, I am ashamed to say that I haven't personally read any of his writings...I am about to correct that error. This past Saturday, Lisa and I decided to take a day and go to the Minnesota State Fair. We had a few errands to run before heading out of town, so we didn't hit the road until some time around noon. We stopped for coffee and enjoyed our 2 1/2 hour trip talking, laughing and listening to music. Unfortunately our plans went terribly awry in that we spent 2 hours trying to find a place to park in several different Park n Rides...I guess we should have thought about it being the last weekend of the Fair and that everyone else from the surrounding states also thought it would be a wonderful idea to attend the Fair! 

After coming up fruitless in our 2 hour parking search, we were tired of driving around and getting more than a little frustrated, I suggested we abandon the Fair and just go get some supper in the Mall of America. After we ate and did a little shopping, we ended up at Barnes and Noble (another one of our favorite places to visit). I was perusing the men's devotionals and C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity caught my eye. I read the dust jacket of that and about 6 books of his and thought...'Why haven't I ever read any of his books?' I didn't have an answer to that question...but I DID hear God challenge me slightly...'Here's an author that is both challenging spiritually AND intellectual...' Ouch...you see, men's devotionals have been hit and miss with me...many that I have tried reading I've either felt were aimed at spiritually young men or I simply couldn't connect with the author's style of writing and so I end up setting the study aside.

SO...I purchased a 10 book collection of C.S. Lewis's writings. I'm excited to read again.

~ V

Blogging...

Blogging to me has ALWAYS been an outlet for me to put into writing the things that are in my heart or on my mind. It personal, sometimes quite deep other times not so much...but always personal. I tried the route of making my BLOG into a goofy one...relating silly, often stupid things I've read or heard, but that's not me. Blogging for me is like journaling...a place I can record life, my life...good or bad, happy or not so much...my thoughts...my fears...my angst...my joy.
But throughout the years that I've Blogged, I've come to the realization that the style in which I WISH to express myself (raw and honest, heavy at times) has\can upset people at times. That's when I attempted to 'change' the way I wrote...I avoided serious topics and wrote about things that honestly, didn't matter to me, like the stupid things men do. It just got to the point where my heart wasn't in it anymore.
 I look at my Blog as a place I can write what's weighing on my mind...argue with myself...pour my heart out to. And frankly, no one should be able to censor my thoughts...my concerns. So, I had stopped writing in order to avoid any possible censoring or disagreements.
I'm not really sure where I go from here

Why do you Blog?

The Road I Traveled

Over the past several weeks I have had many friends and family encourage me and congratulate me on my decision to undergo weight loss surgery and in pursuing a healthier lifestyle in general. The thing is, I didn’t come to this decision lightly or quickly and I know I’ve mentioned that before, but I hadn’t provided details on any of it…not that I was keeping or hiding any of that, but my mind was fully focused on what the RIGHT decision was.

I first seriously started talking and thinking about weight loss surgery 8 years ago. I was SO tired of trying a diet having some modicum of success, start making exceptions to my regimen then abandoning the diet all together…just to gain the weight back…PLUS more. I’d gotten to the point where if my wife suggested a new diet I’d almost immediately write it off as ‘Diets do not WORK…at least for me.’ It wasn’t until just recently that I discovered that Diets CAN work…but honestly they’re not sustainable. I mean seriously, can you survive the rest of your life on the cooked cabbage diet? So 8 years ago, I talked to my doctor about his thoughts on weight loss surgery his take was that while they are effective at helping people lose a large amount of weight, there can be some psychological repercussions. He went on to explain that while they aren’t certain why, but couples who one of the two have undergone weight loss surgery, they have seen a significant increase in divorce. I tried to find out if this impact was reduced at all if both couples were deeply committed Christians and at the time really didn’t find an answer. But his answer was enough to make me shelve the idea at the time.

As the next 8 years passed, a few things happened. I continued to gain weight…and I got older. The years of neglect to my body and health started to take a toll…my joints hurt, knees, back and I found that any sort of exercise was painful and wouldn’t go away after multiple tries. A few years back we watched the documentary Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. This is a really good documentary that talks about processed foods and how awful they are for us. The documentary clicked with me, the science they showed behind their findings made sense to me and to this day I still believe they are right about food that’s manufactured in America today. They push a Juicing diet and we tried that and while I DID lose a significant amount of weight, this too was not sustainable…again gained all the weight back PLUS more. But I learned a lot about nutrition and exactly how bad processed foods are. This caused me to THINK more about the choices I made when we couldn’t cook.

It was at this point that I basically gave up…I remember thinking to myself, ‘Well…here I am, I’ve tried many diets to an ultimate negative result. There IS no magic pill…no magic path to losing weight…this is obviously who God made me to be and I will live this way until the day God has determined I will breath my last.’ I just stopped caring. That doesn’t mean that I just ate whatever and whenever, I still had my Diabetes to manage (which I wasn’t doing that great at…my A1C at one point was 10.4) and while I KNEW I had to incorporate exercise into my life to get healthy, I simply was in too much pain…walking from the parking lot into work left me winded and in pain…so I avoided exercise.

It was early last year that I started talking about weight loss surgery again with Lisa. She was concerned as this is NOT a reversible surgery and it permanently modifies your body. My concern was if I CAN’T make the changes I needed both physically and mentally on my own, what made me think I could with surgery? So I continued to pray about it and wrestle with it over the next few months. My wife and I attended an informational (and required) educational seminar on Bariatric Surgery. In that seminar the man said many things which I had thought before, like diets…even Bariatric surgery isn’t a magic-pill…they are simply TOOLS. If a carpenter picked up a hammer and tried to use it to cut a board to length, it’s NOT going to work very well…he needs to know HOW to use the tools in his toolbox. My health continued to decline…I didn’t sleep well, no stamina for even standing to cook…I finally had enough…I wanted to seriously pursue weight loss surgery. I decided it was MORE important to BE here for my wife, kids and family then it was for any sacrifice of food I would have to face. But you SO enjoy cooking! How’s surgery going to effect that? I still have my arms and desire to create GOOD food…that’s never going to change. What about the warning your earlier doctor gave you about possible psychological repercussions? God is my source of EVERYTHING, if Lisa and I keep GOD central in ALL things, I have faith this won’t be an issue. For the next 6 months, I saw the bariatric nutritionist once month, met my surgeon, had my mind examined by a Psychologist twice and had several meetings with the PA that was assigned to me. All of which I must say were VERY helpful, honest and encouraging.

…and that brings us to a week before surgery…nervous? Somewhat, who wouldn’t be? Concerns? Only one…one that I had been wrestling with for a while now…if God is my source for EVERYTHING, why do I need surgery? Should I even be considering this surgery? So, as I do whenever I need answers to life, I turn back to the source…His word. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20  Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. Ok…conviction! Ugh…yes, I KNOW Lord that I have utterly failed at honoring you with my body…but wait…then I thought, what’s the next step AFTER conviction? …Repentance. Repentance is more than simply acknowledging your wrongdoings. It’s a change of mind and heart. It’s a turning away from, setting aside, removing yourself from. Repentance requires change. I began to understand that God could accomplish His will through this surgery. Then in the midst of my seeking God’s will in this, I came across a fellow Christian’s opinion on the internet. When asked; ‘Do you think surgery as a weight loss option is “against God”? I have struggled a long time…and am beginning to consider this option. Can it not be a blessing from God, having this technology and knowledge to even be able to have this done? I know God can move mountains…including my weight. Does my interest in this mean a lack of faith?’ While I myself never felt that my decision displays any lack of faith, I HAVE consider the possibility of WHO AM I to alter that which God created…’ The person’s response was this; ‘You asked if I thought weight loss surgery was “against God.” As you said, the bible doesn’t specifically say anything about that so each believer needs to seek the Lord for themselves. But I can tell you the evaluation I’ve personally made. Surgeries are generally used as a tool to fix something that is broken. Do you believe that something is wrong with the way your stomach or digestive system functions? Or is the problem with your heart and mind and the obesity merely a side effect of your health habits?’ That response set me back on my heels a bit and I got a little angry at first…then God pointed out to me that this person’s response was based on the assumption that the person considering weight loss surgery hadn’t addressed the real and deep seeded hurts that were the root cause of the weight gain to begin with and that under His blood, I have none of those root causes.

Duet 5:33 - Walk in obedience to all that the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live and prosper and prolong your days in the land that you will possess.

Heb 12:1 - Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us to Him be Glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and EVER! Amen!

Two and a Half Weeks

Well…I’m 2.5 weeks into this…torture?...Mad Scientist experiment?...I jest, but seriously, some of those thoughts have floated through my already warped mind. Some of this has been tough…my Bariatric team told me that most people no longer feel hungry and have to remind themselves to eat…LIES! I’m hungry 2 hours after I eat and by the time I reach the next meal time, I’m more than ready to eat. I’m sure most of this is because I’m on a liquid only diet (for the first 3 weeks), so the instruction of a more solid diet with protein should help with this. I smelled Texas Roadhouse the other day as I drove past it and had the urge for a steak SO badly…my body is craving MEAT! Also figuring out what upsets my stomach and eating SLOWLY and learning when enough is enough! Oh...BTW, enough is about 6 oz. 

No, this definitely is the path to a new food lifestyle and healthy living for me. Have I had some struggles? Of course! But what path to success doesn’t include struggles? During my pre-Op meetings, the nutritionist explained that I may find that some foods I enjoyed before, I no longer will and some that I hadn’t before, I may. Example, naturally sweet things might seem sickeningly sweet, certain flavors may no longer appeal to me. I had Beer-Cheese soup the other night…NEVER EVER AGAIN…I’m not sure why, but it sent my stomach into such convulsions that I wanted to die. Maybe it was a higher fat content…maybe it was the beer flavor…or perhaps the cheese, all I know is I NEVER want to experience that feeling again. All in all, I’m getting along well. For the first time in a LONG while my diabetes is well controlled (ave BGL has been 103 since surgery) and because of this AND the initial weight loss, I no longer have the pain in my knees or in my back that I previously had. I am also able to walk longer distances without huffing and puffing.

I’ve lost almost 30 lbs since the surgery and just under 50 lbs since November. The clothes that I saved from years ago because “I will need them when I lose weight” are the clothes I am wearing because the newer pants I have literally fall off my hips. They look like ridiculous ‘clown pants’.

My family has been great! The kids have helped pick up the slack at home and have really helped Lisa and I out with very little resistance. I love our kids! Lisa…I could write a whole entry on her alone! I am convinced I am the most blessed man on the face of the Earth! She has taken on all the responsibilities, running and workload on and I will never be able to properly express how thankful and appreciative I am. She’s been thoughtful and caring, concerned and supportive, loving and a nurse when I’ve needed it. When I think of Proverbs 31:10-31, with full humility and honesty, she IS a wife of noble character, whose worth FAR exceeds ANY precious stone and I love her with all of my heart.

I ask for your continued prayers as I continue to strive for health and I walk out my faith through this. What is God’s will in this? What is God’s will for me in the future? I pray that I am open to His leading, His will and His purposes.

~ Vince

What if...

What if they start the surgery and discover something that prevents them from proceeding? Like some unknown defect...or cancer?

What if they do the surgery and I fall into the 1/2 of the 1% who experience chronic pain and have constant issues for the rest of their lives?

What if I lose a bunch of weight just to gain it all back...and then some?

What if I lose a bunch of weight...and it changes who I am?

What if I go into surgery and something goes terribly wrong?

What if...

For the first time during this whole process, yesterday my mind was filled with fear...fear of the unknown. This is strange for me because I KNOW and have practically always known that the number of breaths I draw is a finite thing.  God Himself knew the moment of my birth as well as the moment I will breathe my last, since the dawn of time itself.  If God troubles Himself with knowing the number of the very hairs on our heads (Matt 10:30), trust me, He knows. So, quite honestly, I really haven’t wasted much time on the subject of dying. BUT…I KNOW and TRUST Him who demonstrates His love and grace for me, every single day because while none of us are guaranteed even one more day, He does promise to NEVER leave or FORSAKE us...in all things, He is with us. God tells us 365 separate times in His Word to ‘Fear Not’. He knows the human condition...He KNOWS we live in a fallen World and the dangers, troubles and fears we all face and He tells us over and over again in His Word that HE is our refuge...that HE is our strength...HE is our source of wisdom, life and knowledge.

After thinking through this…praying through this and reading God’s Word concerning this, I’ve come to the conclusion that Satan is up to his old ways again…trying to instill fear and doubt. But with God’s help, I WILL not allow it…Romans 12:2 comes to mind as a pivotal verse not just in dealing with misplaced fears…but in this whole process to better health… ‘Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.’

What if I lose all this weight and achieve the healthy lifestyle I’ve always desired?

What if I lose all this weight and God uses me to inspire others for His Glory?

What if I lose all this weight and I’m graced with seeing my children, grandchildren & great-grandchildren grow into faith filled, honorable men & women?

What if I lose all this weight and Lisa & I grow old together, laughing and praising God together for a very, very long time?

2 Timothy 1:12(b) - … for I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day.

I know not why God’s wondrous grace
To me He hath made known,
Nor why, unworthy, Christ in love
Redeemed me for His own.

I know not how this saving faith
To me He did impart,
Nor how believing in His Word
Wrought peace within my heart.

I know not how the Spirit moves,
Convincing men of sin,
Revealing Jesus through the Word,
Creating faith in Him.

I know not what of good or ill
May be reserved for me,
Of weary ways or golden days,
Before His face I see.

I know not when my Lord may come,
At night or noonday fair,
Nor if I walk the vale with Him,
Or meet Him in the air.

But “I know Whom I have believed,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day.”

What if we spent less time in worry and fear? And more time in resting in His Word and promises?

For God…for His Glory…for His honor…for His praise.

WHAT has happened to me!

If you know me at all, you know that I am NOT a lover of Country Music. With that said there have always been a few exceptions take Patsy Kline for example, while I don’t like all of her music there are many songs that I actually enjoy. I KNOW this is because I remember my mother singing them when I was a young child. Another exception is The Zac Brown Band. His music is generally fun and in my opinion, not strictly country. My wife on the other hand is a fully immersed lover of the genre. If you took one look at her iPod, you would quickly surmise that it’s basically split into three genres: Praise Music, Elton John & Country music.  I LOVE Praise Music! In fact, I sang on various Praise Teams for about 17 years and I even enjoy Elton John every now and then, but I’m here to tell you…when Saturday rolls around, Lisa usually gets the hankerin’ to get her country on…I’m pretty good and generally put up with it for a time (HEY! I even took her to a Garth Brooks concert a few years back!), Lisa can usually tell when I’ve had enough…might be the loud sighing and eye-rolling, but you’ll need to ask her to be sure.

I was recently introduced to Spotify. If you aren’t familiar with Spotify, it’s a music streaming service similar to Pandora. The sound quality is supposedly better on Spotify, I don’t really know. Anyway, So it wasn’t long before I started putting together playlists: Kansas, ELO, Casting Crowns, Crowder…you can even put playlists from different albums like I have a Broadway playlist that contains my favorite songs from many various shows. Oh, and a Bluegrass Gospel…wait, WHAT? How’d THAT get in there…and moreover, WHY? When I revealed this to Lisa, she laughed at me and was very surprised! After all, here I am, a very outspoken anti-country music person…and yet, Bluegrass.

Wicked Path of Sin

In this awful world of sorrow
On this wicked path of sin
Never thinking of tomorrow
Or what I'd lose in the end

Oh I can hear (oh I can hear) the joy bells ringing
Where my friends (where my friends) and loved ones wait
Oh I can hear the angels singing (sweet singing)
Just inside (just inside) those pearly gates

I can hear my savior calling
Saying come unto me
Wash away your sins forever
And you shall rest eternally

Now I'm safe with my Jesus
He will guide me on my way
I will sing His praise forever
We'll meet in heaven some sweet day

Click here to listen to the song 

…I had to really think about why I had this attraction to this genre of music. I seriously contemplated this for about 3 days…the obvious element is the harmonies. I’ve sang in enough choirs and men’s quartets that harmonies come very naturally to me and when I hear them, I quite naturally want to add my own. However, it was more than the harmonies. When you listen to the song above, you can’t say these guys have well trained voices…none of them do…there’s something about early music…raw, not over-produced that I find interesting and am drawn to it. Some of this has to do with the simplicity of it…the music, the words even. Simple, but true. But even with these realizations…there was something deeper. There was something that connected Bluegrass deep within me. A few days later, I called my sister Donna and during our conversation I brought this Bluegrass thing up and she reminded me that when we were quite young (4 or 5 for me, 6 or 7 for her), my parents were friends with another family. These were great people, if my dad ever needed help with something, the Mr of the house would be there to help him. That aside, this family was or was the closest thing to real hillbillies I had even seen. What Donna reminded me was that on Friday nights, people (maybe relatives, I don’t know) would gather at their house with guitars, mandolins and yes, washboards and play Bluegrass music. Us kids would be playing in another room, but we plainly heard the music, people laughing, singing and Joe always had his pipe.

So Bluegrass connects me back to my childhood, memories of Friday night’s spent at Joe & Eunice’s and of simpler times…vintage times. Excuse me while I sit back and listen to Rank Strangers.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes

I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes (Turn and face the strange)
Turn and face the strain
Ch-ch-Changes...

Hope, Lisa and I were watching Grown-Ups 2 tonight and near the end of the movie they're having a costume party where everyone dressed like their favorite 80's rock icons. Lisa and I were having fun telling Hope who was who and asked if she knew any of the artists songs. So, we had to sing some Hall & Oats and a little Meatloaf. We got to David Bowie and Hope says, 'He's weird!' to which I said, 'Oh Hon! I LOVED his music' and then proceeded to play A Space Oddity, followed by Changes. It was a fun moment!

As I mentioned in an earlier post, 2017 will indeed be full of changes and a major change for me is scheduled for January 16th. That's when I'll be having Gastric Sleeve surgery. You can read all about it here, if you'd like: 

http://www.obesitycoverage.com/gastric-sleeve-reference-manual/

Like many, I've struggled with weight much of my adult life. I've tried countless diets to various successes, but always gained any weight loss back...and then some. The yo-yo cycle of loss and gain truly left me discouraged and cynical about diets and I eventually became resigned to the idea that this is WHO I am and why try anymore...

About 10 years ago, I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes...a few years after that, high blood pressure followed by high cholesterol. My doctor told me at the time, the ONLY thing I was missing was heart disease and unchecked that very well might be in my future...It was about 8 years ago when I started contemplating weight loss surgery, but there was a part of me that felt this was an extreme method and IF I could just mentally discipline myself, I SHOULD be able to lose this weight...again, I lost weight...I gained more back, the cycle continued.

Over the intervening years, I've discovered that age and weight don't mix well...knee pain, back issues and getting short of breath just walking up our stairs had taken its toll. I started dreading shopping trips and even the thought of walking for exercise caused much anxiety because of the anticipated pain and shortness of breath...it finally dawned on me, my quality of life had and continued to diminish...If I wanted to be around for my wife and my family, I needed to make a change. If I wanted a better quality of life, a life where I could walk without pain, enjoy golf again...walk the sandy beaches of Maui with my wife, I NEEDED to make a radical change.

About 8 months ago, I started the process that would end in Bariatric surgery. Regular monthly meetings with a Bariatric Nutritionist, several meetings with a Psychiatrist (and they allowed me to walk out!!) and a meeting early on with the surgeon. I've learned alot about myself through this process, while I'm NOT a stress eater (a person who relies on food to calm them down or make them FEEL happy), I do have trouble with portion control...if something tastes REALLY good, it's very difficult for me to live the 'One and Done' rule. I've also learned that while it can be difficult to find something to eat in this Fast Food world we live in, it's not impossible (order a grilled chicken sandwich and eat it without the bun, choose the green beans instead of the fries). One HUGE realization came after I went through a 3 week pre-op diet the nutritionist put me on...processed foods aren't only horrible for you, but once you get away from them for a period of time and eat only real food, they taste like garbage.

Over the past several months, my wife and other family members have asked me MANY questions and have voiced many real and thought out concerns. I have loved and enjoyed cooking, how will this surgery affect this aspect of my life? I know through the many discussions I've had with my Bariatric team that post-surgery, many people find they can not longer eat certain foods, some no longer care for the taste of certain spices or flavors. After the initial post-surgical restrictions are past, the only things they tell me to steer clear of are: Soda and processed white breads. Both of these tend to cause expansion within the stomach and they tell me that I will not like the result...I believe them! But, back to the point, while I will need to figure out my individual tastes, I will take it as a personal challenge to still cook and cook well! I've already discovered the MANY benefits to cutting as much sugar out of my diet as possible, so I honestly don't feel that will be an issue for me. But will I be tempted to eat or drink something I shouldn't? I don't know...probably at some point, but I've also learned that turning away from one item also means turning to another choice. 

Just to be clear, I know fully that this surgery isn't a 'FIX', but rather a tool to help me lose enough weight so I wont be in the pain I have in my knees and back, so I can walk and play again. A tool to help me regulate my portions. A tool that will greatly reduce if not completely eliminate most of the medications I currently take. A tool to set me on the right track to health.

1 Corinthians 10:31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything to the glory of God.

Romans 12:1 Therefore I exhort you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a sacrifice–alive, holy, and pleasing to God–which is your reasonable service.

1 Corinthians 6:19–20 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

Psalm 34:17 The godly cry out and the LORD hears; he saves them from all their troubles.

Psalm 10:17 You, LORD, hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry.

Psalm 32:8 The LORD says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.

To Boldly Go Where I've Always Avoided...

Hello, my name is Vince Howard and I'm a Star Trek geek...

There! I said it! WHEW...That wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be! You see, I've struggled with that designation for some time now. In fact, I distinctly remember one Christmas a few years back when Lisa bought me a few TOS (The Original Series) props and I was upset about it. The more I thought about it, the more I realised I was actually embarrassed about receiving them...after all, here I am a GROWN man getting 'toys' for Christmas.

Over the years,  I've collected every Star Trek movie, I have ALL seasons of TOS on disk, I've collected over 50 Star Trek Hallmark ornaments, I have books on Star Trek, ranging from the science behind Star Trek and Technical Operational Manuals to Star Trek stories as well as a many other items.

2016 was Star Treks 50th anniversary...it was a combination of that event AND the realization that I actually owned quite a bit of Star Trek memorabilia, that put me over the hump in accepting that I'm a full blown Star Trek nut! This year, because of the anniversary, I've purchased several collectibles that will NEVER see the light of day. Much like Stinky Pete from Toy Story, these are and will remain MINT IN BOX. Lisa thinks I'm absolutely bonkers, but I simply tell her, you just don't understand, I'm preserving history!

My small collection makes me happy and I find that searching for dated items that I remember from my own childhood both fun and challenging! So there! I've embraced my geekdom fully and with pride can now say...there's Klingons off the starboard bow Jim!

2 Years, 9 months and 18 Days

It's been that long since my last post. There really hasn't been a singular reason why...just life I guess. In a half hour it will be 2017...a new year and a new start. This coming year promises to usher in a lot of change and I promise I'll relate those changes as they come to pass, but for now, I pray that God guides you and blesses each of you in this coming year. And I promise I'll actually write!

-Vince

"Redeemed" (Big Daddy Weave)
Seems like all I could see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me "son
Stop fighting a fight it's already been won"

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be
I am redeemed, I'm redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, "Child lift up your head"
I remember, oh God, You're not done with me yet

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, now I'm not who I used to be

Because I don't have to be the old man inside of me
'Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I've got a new name, a new life, I'm not the same
And a hope that will carry me home

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, 'cause I'm not who I used to be

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I'll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain, yeah, I'm not who I used to be
Oh, God, I'm not who I used to be
Jesus, I'm not who I used to be
'Cause I am redeemed
Thank God, redeemed

The Walk

The sounds of my shoes hitting the pavement echoed back at me as I walked the street in the dark. It had rained earlier and the road glistened with the reflection of the few street lights that actually worked and their reflections ran in long fingers lighting my way. The street was quiet, though I heard the sound of life in the distance...a car accelerating...a horn...someone laughing.  With no particular place to go, I just continued to walk the street until I came across a split in the buildings...an alley. I paused and tried to look down it, but there were no lights; the dark was thick and absolute...no varying shades of charcoal or grey, just...black. I heard a sound from the alley, but it was brief...a can maybe knocked over by a stray cat? I took a step towards the alley and glanced back to the reflected light which seemed to almost plead with me to follow. As I stood there, a warm...almost hot breeze emanated from the alley carrying with it an almost sweet...cloying scent that captured my attention. Glancing first left...then right, I strode into the darkness...

Sin. Its something all of us face EVERY day of our lives. It`s utter foolishness to think just because you`re a Christian that you`re immune Romans 3 tells us:

For we have already charged that all, both Jews and Greeks, are under sin, as it is written:

None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God.

All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good,

not even one. Their throat is an open grave; they use their tongues to deceive.
The venom of asps is under their lips. Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness.
Their feet are swift to shed blood; in their paths are ruin and misery,
and the way of peace they have not known. There is no fear of God before their eyes.

And whether you`re a Christian or not, sin still carries a penalty...one look at our over-crowded prisons stands in testimony to that or the state of marriage or child abuse or neglect or any of a thousand things that plague our God dismissed society. And sin? It`s a choice...we live in a society that is teaching us...teaching our children that they don't need to take responsibility for the things they do. This is a flat out LIE. Something may overtake you like an addiction, but you took that first step...YOU made that initial choice. But God's grace and 'light' are still where we left them...waiting for you...for ME to come back and seek him,,,

John 3:19-20 - This is the judgment, that the Light has come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather than the Light, for their deeds were evil. "For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.

1 John 1:5-6 - This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all. If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.

Psalms 82:5 - They do not know nor do they understand; They walk about in darkness; All the foundations of the earth are shaken.

John 12:35 - So Jesus said to them, "For a little while longer the Light is among you. Walk while you have the Light, so that darkness will not overtake you; he who walks in the darkness does not know where he goes.

2 Samuel 22:29 - For You are my lamp, O LORD; And the LORD illumines my darkness.

...Stumbling out from the alley I fell to the ground beaten, bloody...my breathing fast and shaken. The dark pulled at me as if with demanding hands...wanting me back. Panic rising in my throat, I reached out and touched the ground where one of the reflected fingers of light stretched out. And in the instant the darkness retreated...

~ Vince

Two Years and One Month

So many thoughts and so much time has past, I honestly don't know where to start so I'll just start right here...in this moment...

I opened my Bible today to Psalms 25 and when I got to versus 15 through 18 it stopped me in my tracks and it hit me hard in the chest:

My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare.

Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.
Relieve the troubles of my heart and free me from my anguish.
Look on my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins.

 

Dear Heavenly Father, I pray these verses and ask that you release me from the snare of sin and destruction I have allowed myself to be caught in. My soul is crushed and my bones groan from the realization of my sin. Help me dear Lord and lift from me the troubles of my heart.

 

~Vince

 

 

Wake up Call...

When Jack woke up to people screaming, he was jolted back into reality and it took him only a split second to realize this wasn't a dream. His wife, Sarah, had reached over to try steering their minivan back onto the road, but she had overcompensated, swerving past their lane and into oncoming traffic. A guy in a pickup truck laid on his horn and quickly maneuvered off the road, missing them be mere inches.

"Watch out!" Jack yelled as he once again grabbed the wheel. But Sarah's hands, white knuckled, still gripped it as she swung back across the lane to the right, again overcorrecting and veering them off the road on the other side. The rapid thumping of the road deflectors under the tires was immediately replaced by the sound of the guardrails scraping along the side of their van. Jack flinched as a road sign ripped off the right, sideview mirror. All three of their children in the back seat began crying hysterically as the car sped towards a sharp turn in the road, where a single railing was the only thing keeping them from plummeting over a dirt embankment.

"Let go, Sarah! I got it!" Everything went into slow motion. Jack, in shock, turned to his wife, who was pale white with a look of intense fear in her eyes, hands fused to the wheel as she and her husband both fought - almost against each other - to control the cars path. His eyes darted up to the rearview mirror to see the panic-stricken faces of the children he loved more than anything in the world. Reality began settling into Jack's mind: he had fallen asleep at the wheel. He knew he was the reason why his entire family was about to die. But he also knew that the cause of their current crisis was the key to their potential rescue...himself.
With a knee-jerk reaction, Jack hit the brakes, sending the van sliding on the pavement, throwing everyone's body forward, locking their seatbelts around them like a vise. Burning out the tires, the van screeched to a halt within inches of the guardrail overlooking the long drop-off. As everyone rocked backward and into their seats, Jack starred over the hood in shock at the catastrophe his family had been mere seconds from experiencing.

His wife and kids were speechless. Jack sat silently, repressing an emotional rush of guilt mixed with relief. Sarah unlocked her seatbelt, wrapped her arms around him and buried her head into his chest, sobbing in relief. His children also continued to cry as Jack whispered, "I'm sorry; I'm so sorry" - over and over again.

Fear. Gratitude. Trauma. Prayer. Sarah cycled through every emotional response in her system. She was still a mess, very slowly pulling herself back together. Then finally, with her heart-rate returning to normal and the color returning to her face, she looked up at Jack through tear-filled eyes and whispered words he would never forget: "Please don't ever do that again." - (taken from: The Resolution for Men)

This story illustrates where I believe countless men are today...and where I have been; Disengaged, asleep at the wheel and drifting. We have been given the position of leadership over our families and have been placed in the driver's seat. However over time, we have been lulled into a dream by our own passivity and the lies of a culture that constantly tells us that foundational male leadership in the home isn't necessary and that in general, males are lazy, stupid and irresponsible (if you doubt that statement, just watch any comedy that centers around a family).

I'm not sure why, but men are often carelessly negligent in their roles as husbands and fathers and fail to see the moral and spiritual danger they have placed their families in; Threatening their marriages, the moral and spiritual molding of their children and their very own faith. We need to Wake Up! and realize we can't have it both ways. As a result, the mothers of our children become the ones who (by default and necessity) are carrying the weight of the family on their shoulders just to simply survive. We're missing it men! These women...OUR women, are stressed out and longing for the man in their lives to wake up, rescue them and grab the wheel of the family again.

God's Word commands husbands and fathers to lovingly lead their homes. As men, we are to walk in honor and integrity and to fully embrace our responsibilities as the leaders...the shepards...of our families and because of this, we are to model a loving, Christlike example for our wives and children.

Many of you reading this, may say to yourselves 'Well, he's a good Dad...' That, I believe is the root of the problem. 1 Corinthians 16:13 tells men to 'Be alert!; stand firm in the faith; act like men; be strong!' You see, I don't want to be a father who is just 'Good Enough'. I want to be courageous enough to be the man...the husband...the Daddy that God has called me...has called ALL of us to be! And yes, it takes courage...a great deal of courage to battle not only against what our culture is telling us what a man is, but against our vary own nature to set the cruise-control of life.

I want to challenge you...ask yourself the following questions:

• Is your wife weary, worn out and always feeling like she is carrying too much on her shoulders? If you don't know, then you're already disconnected...
• Does your marriage lack clear direction, romance and true intimacy?
• Are your children, whether young or grown, emotionally distant from you and spiritually apathetic towards God?

First realize that you're NOT alone...there are other men, most likely some are friends, who have also fallen asleep at the wheel; 1 Corinthians 10:13 says No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man.... Also God, your heavenly father, is ALWAYS with you and He desires to help us in our struggles and will bless you AND your family as you take back these responsibilities.

Secondly, of your friends, find one or a few, to hold each other accountable. 'Proverbs 27:17 tells us As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.' Standing alone, it is MUCH easier to lose heart, become discouraged and give up, but if you surround yourself with friends who all have a united goal and (this is key to men) allow yourself to accept their help and RELY on them, there is NOTHING you can't withstand!

Last, resolve to change. Refuse to let your past dictate your future. The failures of your past DO NOT have to be the failures of your future...Through courage, support of your brothers in arms and GOD, boldly and purposefully, retake the wheel. I guarantee you will feel better about yourself, your wife will love and respect you on a level you never knew possible and your children will as well!

Awake sleeper! and arise from the dead and Christ will shine on you. Therefore be careful how you walk, not as unwise men, but as wise, making the most of your time, because the days are evil. - Ephesians 5:14-16

~ V

My Ballerina

From an early age, Hope had wanted to take dance. We are a very musical family and on any given day, if you happened to be walking past our house, you may hear someone playing the piano or music coming from the speakers of our stereo. And during these times, you could almost bet that you would find Hope spinning and twirling to a made up dance. There were a myriad of reasons why we didn't put her in dance in the past, but the main reason I remember was from when we still lived in Baraboo...it was very expensive.

After Lisa and I were married, Hope again brought up her desire to go into dance and it was then, after much thought and discussion (the boys were involved in several sports and dance would give Hope a similar outlet), we agreed to look into it. I was pleasantly surprised at how affordable it was here, but also knew it would require a commitment on both Hope and our parts...

Every Tuesday, week after week (since last September), we would have to leave work early to pick Hope up from home and bring her to dance practice. I have to admit that at first, I viewed this as a hassle...an interruption to MY schedule. This quickly changed as I saw how much she enjoyed it and it gave us time...just father and daughter. I remember the first two or three weeks, she would come out of class almost in tears, wanting to quit. She wasn't used to the physical demands or the harsh commands an instructor, at times, can have. This too passed and it all became routine.

This all culminated this past weekend as Hope had her very first dance recital! Lisa raised two boys and was COMPLETELY caught by surprise with the 'Toddlers and Tiara's' atmosphere that surrounded the dressing room on the first night (the recital was Saturday night and Sunday afternoon). Mother's armed with curling irons and palates of makeup, hair spray and glitter, hovered over their daughters like humming birds near a feeder! Determined NOT to be taken un-awares again, Lisa embraced her inner 'Bling-Bling mommy' side and took Hope out after Saturday's show to 'stock-up'...all I can say is Hope looked beautiful! And not over the top! Thank you honey!


The auditorium was packed (we literally got the last two tickets and God must have been looking out for us because they were in the very first row, practically at stage level with the dancers) and I was a bit worried that seeing such a throng of people might unnerve her and cause her to lose her concentration.

I needn't have worried...she held herself with a poise and confidence that belied her experience...and for the next 3 minutes, time around her stood still. Her movements were fluid and graceful. Flawless?...of course not, but to my eyes she was perfect... enchanting...this was MY daughter. Her face was absolutely radiant! If the power in the building had failed, her smile alone would have lit the place.

And at that moment it struck me, my daughter is growing up...my youngest...my baby girl, is becoming a young lady. When did this happen? I've been watching her and seeing her every single day, and yet...why haven't I noticed this? It's thrilling! and at the same time, heart wrenching...time is slipping through my hands, it's like trying to hold water when you have your hands cupped together...no matter how hard you try, eventually the water runs out.

So here I am wondering if I've made the right choices for her...have I guided her, taught her and given her the best of me...and have kept and hidden the worst of me? I pray that God gives me the wisdom and grace, the strength and the courage to finish this dance we call parenting...
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Cinderella ~ Steven Curtis Chapman

She spins and she sways
To whatever song plays
Without a care in the world
And I'm sitting here wearing
The weight of the world on my shoulders

It's been a long day
And there's still work to do
She's pulling at me
Saying "Dad, I need you

There's a ball at the castle
And I've been invited
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone...

She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed
She wants to know if I approve of the dress
She says, "Dad, the prom is just one week away
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

She will be gone

Well, she came home today with a ring on her hand
Just glowing and telling us all they had planned
She says, "Dad, the wedding's still six months away
But I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone.

~ V 

On the National Day of Prayer

Daring times challenge us to pray boldly…as bold as those prayed by the pilgrims when they entered the new land or Abraham Lincoln as he called upon God amidst the dangers of a Civil War. As the threat of terrorism looms and the economy is uncertain we pause on the National Day of Prayer to not only ask God to intervene in world affairs but to move upon our hearts and start in us a change that may change the world.

The following are ten reasons why we should pray:

1. Prayer reminds us that we are not the solution to the challenges that grip our world but we have access to the one who transcends those challenges.

2. A prayerless nation has no hope beyond the headlines.

3. Prayer aligns us with God’s heart, purposes and blessings.

4. Prayer is an act of humility that precedes honor.

5. Prayer enlarges the heart beyond selfish motive.

6. Prayer provokes the heart to consider not only what is but what can be with God’s help.

7. Prayer is best prioritized when one asks God to change one’s own heart first.

8. No matters of eternal value will be accomplished outside of prayer.

9. Prayer is properly prioritized vigilance in a spiritually passive world.

10. Prayer at its best is an offering of one’s self to be used by God as a part of the answer.

The Bible reminds us in 2 Chronicles 7:14 “If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”

Join me wont you in praying for our country, our families and our churches?

- Our God is a MIGHTY God!

~ Vince

When EF Hutton Talks...

A couple of weeks ago while singing and worshiping at church, God spoke to me. Now, it's not as if God hasn't spoken to or lead me before, but this time it was different... He told me to 'Wake Up!' that 'You're not doing the things you need to be doing...things I need you to be doing.' then He laid out that I need to be spending more time with Nick and Vinny (our two 8th graders) and that I need to set aside time daily, take them through a study to teach them more about God and to teach them how to be a teenager, a Christian teenager in the World today. There was an urgency in His voice and I had the distinct impression that I have a window of opportunity. He went on to tell me that this time spent with them will allow Him to lay the very foundations of their spiritual lives.

Now, you may be sitting there reading this saying, Ok...and? The point is this...I thought I had been doing the things I needed to do, but I had been lulled asleep and was on cruise control. When God told me to Wake Up, I realized alot about myself, but mostly that I need to be hands-on and more involved...exactly what I hadn't been doing. God grants us children as a blessing, but the time we have with them flies by SO quickly...the responsibility we have as parents to raise them is HUGE! But it's fun too!

So, I've been thinking...what (specifically) are the most important things we can/should teach our children? Please share!

~ Vince

Emmanuel

And it came to pass in those days that a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered. This census first took place while Quirinius was governing Syria. So all went to be registered, everyone to his own city.

Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, to be registered with Mary, his betrothed wife, who was with child. So it was, that while they were there, the days were completed for her to be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. And behold!, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold!, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.”

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: “Glory to God in the highest!, and on earth peace, goodwill toward men!”


Pure...and simple

~ V

I'm Dreaming Of A White...

For those of you who were dreaming of a white Christmas...well, you got your wish. Where I live, we officially received 26 inches of the white stuff, but we also had 30 mph winds that gusted up to 40+. So...As the above picture shows, we had 3 to 4 foot drifts! This lead to a back-breaking 2 hour snowblower marathon, during which I came to two conclusions...

1) Somewhere in scripture, along side His promise NEVER to flood the world again, God should have promised that if He's going to dump anything over 12 inches of snow, that the wind would either A) Not blow at all while you're removing the snow or B) Would blow only in one direction while removing said snow. I mean really! Having to snow blow 2 feet of the stuff is bad enough, but when you have the wind changing direction every minute and it either blows right back into your face or swirls back onto the path you just blew...not fun.

2) The county snowplow MUST die. I didn't get out to start clearing the driveway until almost 9:30 this morning...not late, but definately NOT early. So, I get going, decide which side of the driveway to start (I try to pick the side that's up-wind...but see #1 above...grr). I do 3 or 4 passes when I notice that our street hasn't even been plowed yet. I sigh...knowing that sometime later, I'll have to come back out and clear what the snowplow pushes into our driveway. I get near the end of our driveway and WHOOSH!! The snowplow came by and not only sprays me with a tidal wave of snow, but literally burys my snow-thrower as well! OH NO YOU DIDN'T! I obviously didn't/couldn't hear him over the engine noise, but he COULD have given a little 'beep' on his horn so I could have stepped back. So there I stood...eyes narrowing and that famous line from Moby Dick came to mind...'To the last, I will grapple with thee... from Hell's heart, I stab at thee! For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee!' OK...I must be honest with you, although I know the line originally comes from Moby Dick, I know the line from Star Trek II, The Wrath of Khan...there, I admitted it!

...beware Mr. County Snowplow guy, I'll be watching out for you!

~ V

Derailed

.....My mind and heart are squeezed of their juices and their strength and essence have drained out of me. Vacillating between thought and feeling, and feeling and thought...thoughts rebounding off feelings of sorrow. My mind searching for answers, My heart is...solemn...still...alone. Honestly not sure where these feelings have emerged from...but here I am. And I know this is NOT a good place...not a healthy place to dwell. I know too well...far too well the cost of lingering in this place.

Maybe it's weather...or the upcoming Holiday's...most likely it's a myriad things. (Kind of like dripping water on a rock...by itself, one drop of water is meaningless to the rock, but drip after drip over a span of years will create a divot and eventually destroy the rock.) Either way, I would ask for your prayers as I seek for the hand of Him who guides my life. Because even though all is dark around me and I can not see Him, I KNOW He is there and He knows the path out of the darkness.

I sit back and almost laugh at myself writting this, because I know my life is blessed and filled with those who love me...I have no reason or cause for feeling the way I do...and yet, here I am.

Psalm 61 - Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer.
From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the foe.

~ V