Psalm 62:5-7
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Finding rest...finding shelter...two things everyone seeks. But where do you seek shelter and rest? That is the real question...and how you answer is the difference between contentment and continued struggles. Seeking shelter and rest in ANYTHING (or anyone) other than God, will always see you out in the cold and more tired than when you first started...and yet still we try. Fame, Wealth, Status...every one of them is fleeting and in the end...empty. King Solomon says as much himself in Ecclesiastes. He pursued wisdom, pleasure, folly, hard work, advancement and riches...during his pursuits, he denied himself nothing and in the end said, 'Meaningless! Meaningless!...Everything is meaningless!'
This got me to thinking...If we claim the love and trust of Christ and yet place our rest and build our shelter elsewhere...isn't that betraying that love and trust? Is that any better than Judas's betrayal?
Just a thought...
~ V
Life in Fast-Foward...
Summer has come to an official end as the kids started their first FULL day back to school today. This will be a significant year as this is Hope and Kyle's last year of Elementary school, Nick and Vinny's last year of Middle school AND Trevor's last year of High school...major changes indeed! It's really weird to think that when Lisa and I first met, Nick and Vinny were in the same grade that Kyle and Hope are in right now (4th)...now they're in their last year of Middle school...where DOES the time go? It's
truly amazing when you think about it...all the changes...all the adjustments...all the growth everyone of us have gone through. Has there been pain? Yes... Tears? Of course...but there has also has been laughter and play...bonding and dare I say, sense of 'Family'. There is a love there that is growing, that I honestly didn't expect.
Out of the ashes of both of our pasts, God has and IS building our house. Board by board and nail by nail...built by the carpenter of the Universe...and our foundation is built not upon shifting sand, but on the ROCK!
~ V
truly amazing when you think about it...all the changes...all the adjustments...all the growth everyone of us have gone through. Has there been pain? Yes... Tears? Of course...but there has also has been laughter and play...bonding and dare I say, sense of 'Family'. There is a love there that is growing, that I honestly didn't expect.
Out of the ashes of both of our pasts, God has and IS building our house. Board by board and nail by nail...built by the carpenter of the Universe...and our foundation is built not upon shifting sand, but on the ROCK!
~ V
Brain Drain...
OK, so tonight Lisa told me she thought we, as a family, watch too much TV. She went on to say that from the moment the first kid is up, until we go to bed, the TV is almost always on and that she wants that to change. I must admit that this irritated me at first...I work hard and I just want to come home and relax...in front of the TV...Then I started to remember that when Lisa and I dated and even during the first months after we were married, we watched VERY little TV. Now it seems to absorb all my time...it didn't used to. I used to listen to music, or listen to Lisa play the piano. I used to work on the boys's rooms or some other project around the house. I used to BLOG...everyday! and I used to read A LOT more scripture. I've allowed TV to 'take over' and it has stolen the joy I used to get from doing all those other things.
Lisa's right, we are watching too much TV and the first step is recognizing it...Hello, my name is Vince...and I watch too much TV.
~ V
My Dad
10 years ago last month, my Mom died of sepsis; a complication coming from having Calciphylaxis, which I’m sure was made worse by her being Diabetic. My Mom spent the last three months of her life in the hospital and was in such pain during the last days, that although the Morphine kept her unconscious...she groaned and cried with pain. To my knowledge my Dad spent every waking moment of those days (as well as many nights) with her in the hospital. I know he experienced the frustration and hopelessness, the sadness and despair one feels as they helplessly watch their spouse slowly slip away...I've never forgotten this, nor the impression of duty and love it left with me.
I've written about my relationship with my Dad as I grew up before...he was a pretty harsh disciplinarian...kind of a 'shoot first, ask questions later' type of guy and while I know there were plenty of times where I had earned his wrath...there were many times where justice wasn't blind and the scales were weighted against me and as I grew older, I took a lot of resentment for my father with me.
It wasn't always that way...I remember in my early years Dad would take me fishing or I'd go along with him while he road hunted for Pheasant. He taught me how to bait my own hook and how to not just rely on the bobber, but to keep the line between my thumb and pointer finger, so I could feel the fish nibbling before they struck. He also taught me how to look for Pheasant runs along fence rows...and that a hen will nest not too far from a run. My Dad taught me about grilling (although I'm a better griller!), how to clean a fish (which I hate to this day) and how to work on cars. My Dad sat down with me when a girl broke my heart for the very first time and I thought the world was crashing in around me and told me through the lump in his throat 'Son...It'll be OK. It will only hurt for a time and then you'll never allow yourself to be hurt that bad again.' ...Of course I allowed myself to be hurt again...but the point was he was trying to connect with me...trying to ease my wound heart...and it's a moment that I'll never forget.
A few weeks ago, Dad and my stepmother Dee came back to Iowa (from Arizona where they live) because Dad needed to see his eye doctor. They stayed with my sister Donna and her husband Dave. They had planned on spending two weeks there and I really wanted them to come up. On Wednesday of the first week, Donna called me and said that she had to tell me something. Her, Dave and my two other sisters (Denise and Deb) had gone down to Arizona about a month earlier, and at that time, Donna had told me about an incident where Dad had acted disoriented and confused. All three girls impressed upon Dee that she should get Dad in to see a doctor. Well...Dad had another similar incident the night before, at their house. After getting Dad settled down, Dee told Donna that she had taken Dad to the doctor and after examining him, he's fairly positive Dad has Alzheimer's...
...As she kept talking, I could feel my eyes start to water and a lump the size of Sugarloaf seize my throat. She asked me if I was alright...I couldn't answer her for about a minute. After I got off the phone, Lisa wanted to know what was wrong...I just buried my head in her shoulder and wept...hard. I sat there wondering what the heck was going on! In my heart I had forgiven my Dad long before...I had buried the demons of my past, I had shaken free the manacles of resentment and the bondage that comes with it and had gone on with life...but now it all came flooding back. I was a kid again, and in my mind's eye I was reliving moments both good and bad...all in a flash.
I'm not sure why it affected me the way it did...I honestly thought I'd cried my last tear over my Dad years ago. Maybe it was because both of my parents had/have terrible diseases. Maybe it was because of the history with my Dad and I want the time to replace the bad with good. Maybe it was because the sorrow of the bitterness that resentment left behind in me, washed over me in that moment...most likely it was equal parts of each...
After Donna's call, we made special plans and met them all that Friday in Rochester for supper. We stayed late and kept the restaurant open later, but they were kind and didn't complain. Lisa took pictures of Dad and I...Dad and the kids and Dad with Dee. Dad and I sat at one end of the long table and we talked about nothing...and everything. It was a good night and I am so glad we were ALL able to make it happen. I'm not too sure with time and distance how many more we'll be able to have...but I'll cherish every one.
Dad? I know there were times when I was growing up that I didn't make it easy on you...and that at times because of my actions or attitude you didn't like me very much. Will you please forgive my stubbornness, resentment and my disrespect? I need you to know there were times when I felt you were overly harsh or unjust in the way you punished me...But I know as a father myself, the incredible responsibility we have to properly discipline and instruct our children...I need you to know that I forgive you for the times of harsh or unjust discipline and that I love you for loving me enough and for caring enough to do so. I know there were MANY times when you felt I wasn't paying attention to what you were trying to teach me or tell me, but I want you to know that I was. Whether it was grilling hamburgers, changing a tire or cleaning a fish...thank you for teaching me the countless things that you did...Thank you for being my Dad.
.jpg)
~ V
I've written about my relationship with my Dad as I grew up before...he was a pretty harsh disciplinarian...kind of a 'shoot first, ask questions later' type of guy and while I know there were plenty of times where I had earned his wrath...there were many times where justice wasn't blind and the scales were weighted against me and as I grew older, I took a lot of resentment for my father with me.
It wasn't always that way...I remember in my early years Dad would take me fishing or I'd go along with him while he road hunted for Pheasant. He taught me how to bait my own hook and how to not just rely on the bobber, but to keep the line between my thumb and pointer finger, so I could feel the fish nibbling before they struck. He also taught me how to look for Pheasant runs along fence rows...and that a hen will nest not too far from a run. My Dad taught me about grilling (although I'm a better griller!), how to clean a fish (which I hate to this day) and how to work on cars. My Dad sat down with me when a girl broke my heart for the very first time and I thought the world was crashing in around me and told me through the lump in his throat 'Son...It'll be OK. It will only hurt for a time and then you'll never allow yourself to be hurt that bad again.' ...Of course I allowed myself to be hurt again...but the point was he was trying to connect with me...trying to ease my wound heart...and it's a moment that I'll never forget.
A few weeks ago, Dad and my stepmother Dee came back to Iowa (from Arizona where they live) because Dad needed to see his eye doctor. They stayed with my sister Donna and her husband Dave. They had planned on spending two weeks there and I really wanted them to come up. On Wednesday of the first week, Donna called me and said that she had to tell me something. Her, Dave and my two other sisters (Denise and Deb) had gone down to Arizona about a month earlier, and at that time, Donna had told me about an incident where Dad had acted disoriented and confused. All three girls impressed upon Dee that she should get Dad in to see a doctor. Well...Dad had another similar incident the night before, at their house. After getting Dad settled down, Dee told Donna that she had taken Dad to the doctor and after examining him, he's fairly positive Dad has Alzheimer's...
...As she kept talking, I could feel my eyes start to water and a lump the size of Sugarloaf seize my throat. She asked me if I was alright...I couldn't answer her for about a minute. After I got off the phone, Lisa wanted to know what was wrong...I just buried my head in her shoulder and wept...hard. I sat there wondering what the heck was going on! In my heart I had forgiven my Dad long before...I had buried the demons of my past, I had shaken free the manacles of resentment and the bondage that comes with it and had gone on with life...but now it all came flooding back. I was a kid again, and in my mind's eye I was reliving moments both good and bad...all in a flash.
I'm not sure why it affected me the way it did...I honestly thought I'd cried my last tear over my Dad years ago. Maybe it was because both of my parents had/have terrible diseases. Maybe it was because of the history with my Dad and I want the time to replace the bad with good. Maybe it was because the sorrow of the bitterness that resentment left behind in me, washed over me in that moment...most likely it was equal parts of each...
After Donna's call, we made special plans and met them all that Friday in Rochester for supper. We stayed late and kept the restaurant open later, but they were kind and didn't complain. Lisa took pictures of Dad and I...Dad and the kids and Dad with Dee. Dad and I sat at one end of the long table and we talked about nothing...and everything. It was a good night and I am so glad we were ALL able to make it happen. I'm not too sure with time and distance how many more we'll be able to have...but I'll cherish every one.
Dad? I know there were times when I was growing up that I didn't make it easy on you...and that at times because of my actions or attitude you didn't like me very much. Will you please forgive my stubbornness, resentment and my disrespect? I need you to know there were times when I felt you were overly harsh or unjust in the way you punished me...But I know as a father myself, the incredible responsibility we have to properly discipline and instruct our children...I need you to know that I forgive you for the times of harsh or unjust discipline and that I love you for loving me enough and for caring enough to do so. I know there were MANY times when you felt I wasn't paying attention to what you were trying to teach me or tell me, but I want you to know that I was. Whether it was grilling hamburgers, changing a tire or cleaning a fish...thank you for teaching me the countless things that you did...Thank you for being my Dad.
.jpg)
~ V
I have...and I ALWAYS will
While preparing to put a Photoshow together for a young couple in our church whom Lisa shot their engaugement pictures, I ran across this song...
Here are the words...
Darling, we're both scared
But where love is, fear won't tread
All of these friends here agree
We're right where we should be
Underneath all your white
My Lady, My Love, My Bride
In your darkest hours
Will I love you still
I have and I always will
I guess it's because I just do
Following heaven's clues
This is a big mystery
How I found, you found me
Underneath all your white
My Lady, My Love, My Bride
In your darkest hours
Will I love you still
I have and I always will
And you are changing now
Your part of me somehow
And I will never be alone
In your darkest hours
Well I love you still
I have and I always will
I have and I always will
...every once in awhile, something comes along that you either read or hear that speaks exactly what your heart feels. Words not originally spoken by you...but might as well have. The prose itself is from the heart, but combined with the written music, well...stirs me.
My love...my Lisa...my wife. This is for you...
Today, tomorrow, forever I love you!
~ V
Here are the words...
Darling, we're both scared
But where love is, fear won't tread
All of these friends here agree
We're right where we should be
Underneath all your white
My Lady, My Love, My Bride
In your darkest hours
Will I love you still
I have and I always will
I guess it's because I just do
Following heaven's clues
This is a big mystery
How I found, you found me
Underneath all your white
My Lady, My Love, My Bride
In your darkest hours
Will I love you still
I have and I always will
And you are changing now
Your part of me somehow
And I will never be alone
In your darkest hours
Well I love you still
I have and I always will
I have and I always will
...every once in awhile, something comes along that you either read or hear that speaks exactly what your heart feels. Words not originally spoken by you...but might as well have. The prose itself is from the heart, but combined with the written music, well...stirs me.
My love...my Lisa...my wife. This is for you...
Today, tomorrow, forever I love you!
~ V
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
-
From an early age, Hope had wanted to take dance. We are a very musical family and on any given day, if you happened to be walking past our... -
“There is but one good; that is God. Everything else is good when it looks to Him and bad when it turns from Him.” “There are only two k...
-
.....My mind and heart are squeezed of their juices and their strength and essence have drained out of me. Vacillating between thought and f...