What if...

What if they start the surgery and discover something that prevents them from proceeding? Like some unknown defect...or cancer?

What if they do the surgery and I fall into the 1/2 of the 1% who experience chronic pain and have constant issues for the rest of their lives?

What if I lose a bunch of weight just to gain it all back...and then some?

What if I lose a bunch of weight...and it changes who I am?

What if I go into surgery and something goes terribly wrong?

What if...

For the first time during this whole process, yesterday my mind was filled with fear...fear of the unknown. This is strange for me because I KNOW and have practically always known that the number of breaths I draw is a finite thing.  God Himself knew the moment of my birth as well as the moment I will breathe my last, since the dawn of time itself.  If God troubles Himself with knowing the number of the very hairs on our heads (Matt 10:30), trust me, He knows. So, quite honestly, I really haven’t wasted much time on the subject of dying. BUT…I KNOW and TRUST Him who demonstrates His love and grace for me, every single day because while none of us are guaranteed even one more day, He does promise to NEVER leave or FORSAKE us...in all things, He is with us. God tells us 365 separate times in His Word to ‘Fear Not’. He knows the human condition...He KNOWS we live in a fallen World and the dangers, troubles and fears we all face and He tells us over and over again in His Word that HE is our refuge...that HE is our strength...HE is our source of wisdom, life and knowledge.

After thinking through this…praying through this and reading God’s Word concerning this, I’ve come to the conclusion that Satan is up to his old ways again…trying to instill fear and doubt. But with God’s help, I WILL not allow it…Romans 12:2 comes to mind as a pivotal verse not just in dealing with misplaced fears…but in this whole process to better health… ‘Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.’

What if I lose all this weight and achieve the healthy lifestyle I’ve always desired?

What if I lose all this weight and God uses me to inspire others for His Glory?

What if I lose all this weight and I’m graced with seeing my children, grandchildren & great-grandchildren grow into faith filled, honorable men & women?

What if I lose all this weight and Lisa & I grow old together, laughing and praising God together for a very, very long time?

2 Timothy 1:12(b) - … for I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day.

I know not why God’s wondrous grace
To me He hath made known,
Nor why, unworthy, Christ in love
Redeemed me for His own.

I know not how this saving faith
To me He did impart,
Nor how believing in His Word
Wrought peace within my heart.

I know not how the Spirit moves,
Convincing men of sin,
Revealing Jesus through the Word,
Creating faith in Him.

I know not what of good or ill
May be reserved for me,
Of weary ways or golden days,
Before His face I see.

I know not when my Lord may come,
At night or noonday fair,
Nor if I walk the vale with Him,
Or meet Him in the air.

But “I know Whom I have believed,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day.”

What if we spent less time in worry and fear? And more time in resting in His Word and promises?

For God…for His Glory…for His honor…for His praise.

WHAT has happened to me!

If you know me at all, you know that I am NOT a lover of Country Music. With that said there have always been a few exceptions take Patsy Kline for example, while I don’t like all of her music there are many songs that I actually enjoy. I KNOW this is because I remember my mother singing them when I was a young child. Another exception is The Zac Brown Band. His music is generally fun and in my opinion, not strictly country. My wife on the other hand is a fully immersed lover of the genre. If you took one look at her iPod, you would quickly surmise that it’s basically split into three genres: Praise Music, Elton John & Country music.  I LOVE Praise Music! In fact, I sang on various Praise Teams for about 17 years and I even enjoy Elton John every now and then, but I’m here to tell you…when Saturday rolls around, Lisa usually gets the hankerin’ to get her country on…I’m pretty good and generally put up with it for a time (HEY! I even took her to a Garth Brooks concert a few years back!), Lisa can usually tell when I’ve had enough…might be the loud sighing and eye-rolling, but you’ll need to ask her to be sure.

I was recently introduced to Spotify. If you aren’t familiar with Spotify, it’s a music streaming service similar to Pandora. The sound quality is supposedly better on Spotify, I don’t really know. Anyway, So it wasn’t long before I started putting together playlists: Kansas, ELO, Casting Crowns, Crowder…you can even put playlists from different albums like I have a Broadway playlist that contains my favorite songs from many various shows. Oh, and a Bluegrass Gospel…wait, WHAT? How’d THAT get in there…and moreover, WHY? When I revealed this to Lisa, she laughed at me and was very surprised! After all, here I am, a very outspoken anti-country music person…and yet, Bluegrass.

Wicked Path of Sin

In this awful world of sorrow
On this wicked path of sin
Never thinking of tomorrow
Or what I'd lose in the end

Oh I can hear (oh I can hear) the joy bells ringing
Where my friends (where my friends) and loved ones wait
Oh I can hear the angels singing (sweet singing)
Just inside (just inside) those pearly gates

I can hear my savior calling
Saying come unto me
Wash away your sins forever
And you shall rest eternally

Now I'm safe with my Jesus
He will guide me on my way
I will sing His praise forever
We'll meet in heaven some sweet day

Click here to listen to the song 

…I had to really think about why I had this attraction to this genre of music. I seriously contemplated this for about 3 days…the obvious element is the harmonies. I’ve sang in enough choirs and men’s quartets that harmonies come very naturally to me and when I hear them, I quite naturally want to add my own. However, it was more than the harmonies. When you listen to the song above, you can’t say these guys have well trained voices…none of them do…there’s something about early music…raw, not over-produced that I find interesting and am drawn to it. Some of this has to do with the simplicity of it…the music, the words even. Simple, but true. But even with these realizations…there was something deeper. There was something that connected Bluegrass deep within me. A few days later, I called my sister Donna and during our conversation I brought this Bluegrass thing up and she reminded me that when we were quite young (4 or 5 for me, 6 or 7 for her), my parents were friends with another family. These were great people, if my dad ever needed help with something, the Mr of the house would be there to help him. That aside, this family was or was the closest thing to real hillbillies I had even seen. What Donna reminded me was that on Friday nights, people (maybe relatives, I don’t know) would gather at their house with guitars, mandolins and yes, washboards and play Bluegrass music. Us kids would be playing in another room, but we plainly heard the music, people laughing, singing and Joe always had his pipe.

So Bluegrass connects me back to my childhood, memories of Friday night’s spent at Joe & Eunice’s and of simpler times…vintage times. Excuse me while I sit back and listen to Rank Strangers.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes

I still don't know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I'd got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet
So I turned myself to face me
But I've never caught a glimpse
Of how the others must see the faker
I'm much too fast to take that test

Ch-ch-ch-ch-Changes (Turn and face the strange)
Turn and face the strain
Ch-ch-Changes...

Hope, Lisa and I were watching Grown-Ups 2 tonight and near the end of the movie they're having a costume party where everyone dressed like their favorite 80's rock icons. Lisa and I were having fun telling Hope who was who and asked if she knew any of the artists songs. So, we had to sing some Hall & Oats and a little Meatloaf. We got to David Bowie and Hope says, 'He's weird!' to which I said, 'Oh Hon! I LOVED his music' and then proceeded to play A Space Oddity, followed by Changes. It was a fun moment!

As I mentioned in an earlier post, 2017 will indeed be full of changes and a major change for me is scheduled for January 16th. That's when I'll be having Gastric Sleeve surgery. You can read all about it here, if you'd like: 

http://www.obesitycoverage.com/gastric-sleeve-reference-manual/

Like many, I've struggled with weight much of my adult life. I've tried countless diets to various successes, but always gained any weight loss back...and then some. The yo-yo cycle of loss and gain truly left me discouraged and cynical about diets and I eventually became resigned to the idea that this is WHO I am and why try anymore...

About 10 years ago, I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes...a few years after that, high blood pressure followed by high cholesterol. My doctor told me at the time, the ONLY thing I was missing was heart disease and unchecked that very well might be in my future...It was about 8 years ago when I started contemplating weight loss surgery, but there was a part of me that felt this was an extreme method and IF I could just mentally discipline myself, I SHOULD be able to lose this weight...again, I lost weight...I gained more back, the cycle continued.

Over the intervening years, I've discovered that age and weight don't mix well...knee pain, back issues and getting short of breath just walking up our stairs had taken its toll. I started dreading shopping trips and even the thought of walking for exercise caused much anxiety because of the anticipated pain and shortness of breath...it finally dawned on me, my quality of life had and continued to diminish...If I wanted to be around for my wife and my family, I needed to make a change. If I wanted a better quality of life, a life where I could walk without pain, enjoy golf again...walk the sandy beaches of Maui with my wife, I NEEDED to make a radical change.

About 8 months ago, I started the process that would end in Bariatric surgery. Regular monthly meetings with a Bariatric Nutritionist, several meetings with a Psychiatrist (and they allowed me to walk out!!) and a meeting early on with the surgeon. I've learned alot about myself through this process, while I'm NOT a stress eater (a person who relies on food to calm them down or make them FEEL happy), I do have trouble with portion control...if something tastes REALLY good, it's very difficult for me to live the 'One and Done' rule. I've also learned that while it can be difficult to find something to eat in this Fast Food world we live in, it's not impossible (order a grilled chicken sandwich and eat it without the bun, choose the green beans instead of the fries). One HUGE realization came after I went through a 3 week pre-op diet the nutritionist put me on...processed foods aren't only horrible for you, but once you get away from them for a period of time and eat only real food, they taste like garbage.

Over the past several months, my wife and other family members have asked me MANY questions and have voiced many real and thought out concerns. I have loved and enjoyed cooking, how will this surgery affect this aspect of my life? I know through the many discussions I've had with my Bariatric team that post-surgery, many people find they can not longer eat certain foods, some no longer care for the taste of certain spices or flavors. After the initial post-surgical restrictions are past, the only things they tell me to steer clear of are: Soda and processed white breads. Both of these tend to cause expansion within the stomach and they tell me that I will not like the result...I believe them! But, back to the point, while I will need to figure out my individual tastes, I will take it as a personal challenge to still cook and cook well! I've already discovered the MANY benefits to cutting as much sugar out of my diet as possible, so I honestly don't feel that will be an issue for me. But will I be tempted to eat or drink something I shouldn't? I don't know...probably at some point, but I've also learned that turning away from one item also means turning to another choice. 

Just to be clear, I know fully that this surgery isn't a 'FIX', but rather a tool to help me lose enough weight so I wont be in the pain I have in my knees and back, so I can walk and play again. A tool to help me regulate my portions. A tool that will greatly reduce if not completely eliminate most of the medications I currently take. A tool to set me on the right track to health.

1 Corinthians 10:31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything to the glory of God.

Romans 12:1 Therefore I exhort you, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a sacrifice–alive, holy, and pleasing to God–which is your reasonable service.

1 Corinthians 6:19–20 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

Psalm 34:17 The godly cry out and the LORD hears; he saves them from all their troubles.

Psalm 10:17 You, LORD, hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry.

Psalm 32:8 The LORD says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.

To Boldly Go Where I've Always Avoided...

Hello, my name is Vince Howard and I'm a Star Trek geek...

There! I said it! WHEW...That wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be! You see, I've struggled with that designation for some time now. In fact, I distinctly remember one Christmas a few years back when Lisa bought me a few TOS (The Original Series) props and I was upset about it. The more I thought about it, the more I realised I was actually embarrassed about receiving them...after all, here I am a GROWN man getting 'toys' for Christmas.

Over the years,  I've collected every Star Trek movie, I have ALL seasons of TOS on disk, I've collected over 50 Star Trek Hallmark ornaments, I have books on Star Trek, ranging from the science behind Star Trek and Technical Operational Manuals to Star Trek stories as well as a many other items.

2016 was Star Treks 50th anniversary...it was a combination of that event AND the realization that I actually owned quite a bit of Star Trek memorabilia, that put me over the hump in accepting that I'm a full blown Star Trek nut! This year, because of the anniversary, I've purchased several collectibles that will NEVER see the light of day. Much like Stinky Pete from Toy Story, these are and will remain MINT IN BOX. Lisa thinks I'm absolutely bonkers, but I simply tell her, you just don't understand, I'm preserving history!

My small collection makes me happy and I find that searching for dated items that I remember from my own childhood both fun and challenging! So there! I've embraced my geekdom fully and with pride can now say...there's Klingons off the starboard bow Jim!