Talk about my family? Dare I? I mean, honestly...there are good, bad and ugly moments and while I KNOW all families experience these, I've honestly avoided all but the funny because we're still relatively newly married (two years this June!), we're still growing together as a family and well...I've just not been sure how my better half would feel if I openly and honestly BLOGGED about a frustration or a 'not-so-happy' moment...I would never want to hurt her...even inadvertently. So, generally I've avoided talking about such things. But thinking about this has caused me to realize something...I tend to avoid blogging altogether when something 'family' related is on my mind. Not sure what that means, but it just came to mind (see hon? I can ramble too! :)).
With that said, I DO feel like I've just recently awoke from a long sleep. Prior to a few weeks ago even Lisa would look at me and tell me, 'You just don't look happy.' And honestly...I wasn't. I wasn't unhappy in our marriage...I wasn't unhappy in my job...and even though there honestly are times of frustration with the kids, I wasn't unhappy in our family life either. Time flies and I feel I've nothing to show...I hate that I'm diabetic and feel ashamed for the financial strain it puts on my family. So, those are the things that have been on my heart...and you know what? In typical Vince Howard fashion, I haven't placed any of it at the foot of the cross. Why do I continue to do this? You'd think I'd learn by now...
What a Friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.
Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Are we weak and heavy laden, cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you? Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.
Oh how that line rings true...O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer...
So, with Christ's help...I'm picking myself up. Who am I kidding! He's lifting me out of the pool of self-defeat that I've thrown myself into and He's washing the stench of self proclaimed failure from my feet.