Man Law Tuesday #4
Ever since that first man picked up a hammer and chisel and created the first wheel out of stone, men have created and engineered ways to use that wheel to get from one place to another. This week’s Man Law(s) center on driving, so sit down, buckle-up and get ready for the smell of burnt rubber as I peel off this series of laws!
1) No man shall drive slowly in the fast lane.
2) No Man shall knowingly cut-off or pull out in front of another man.
3) Men don’t need directions because we never get lost. If we happen to go 50 miles past the turn off to the interstate, it's because we wanted to take the scenic route for our significant other's enjoyment…we’re just romantic that way…enjoy!
4) When going anywhere with your spouse or significant other, you always drive. You own the road and can always find your way to anywhere. If she doesn't like the way you drive, tell her to close her eyes.
5) Under no circumstances should a man ever ride in the back seat. Unless he’s with three or four of his male friends. If grandma can walk to the car...she can sit in the back!
6) Regardless of how horrible the music is, you are never allowed to touch another Man's radio/CD player while in his car. It is his vehicle and you are obliged to listen. The ONLY exception to this rule is if he’s playing Peaches and Herb, Captain and Tennille or Donny and Marie. Then you are required to not only change the music, but must destroy the tape or CD and you’re allowed to NEVER ride with him again.
7) When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and shotgun can only be called when the car is in view. Riders in the car are not allowed to run to shotgun and steal it before the person who called and deserves it arrives there. The driver of the car has no authority to decide on who gets shotgun. If a legitimate confrontation comes up where the rightful owner of the shotgun cannot be determined then it will be decided by one round of paper rock scissors. If the two contenders tie 5 times in a row then the rightful owner of the shotgun is to be decided by a UFC cage match in which the first blood drawn decides the rightful owner of shotgun.It is acceptable for you to drive your girlfriend’s car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.