A few days ago, Lisa related in her blog about what a great weekend we had together as a family (Family movie night on Friday and a spontaneous trip to the Mall of America on Saturday) and how it feels that we are starting to come together as a family. I started writing this entry last Saturday on the way to MOA as Lisa drove...
This 'blending' of families is tough! Lisa and I read a great deal about blended families before we were married. We wanted the upper hand or at the very least, wanted to go into 'the blender' if you will, as prepared as we could be. The study we did together was called 'God Breathes On Blended Families' and the author's quote a statistic that said that it takes a blended family 4 to 7 years before they start feeling like a whole family. When I read that statistic, I know I thought, 'Well, we're going to be different...I'll make us different.' In retrospect, that's alot of pressure I put on myself and I took the control of that away from God. It wasn't long after we were married when I found myself running here and there, putting out squabbles, listening to how unfair something was.
For a time, there wasn't a day that went by that something didn't happened that chipped away at my vision of the family I wanted and knew we were supposed to be. Hearing comments like 'I wish it were still just us' or 'You did this, you ruined my life' would leave my spirit crushed and made me feel like all I was trying to do was for naught...all in vain.
I remember finally coming to God...I was tired, hurt and frustrated. He simply told me 'You're laboring in vain...' Oh, Lord...how could I have forgotten? The very foundation of the message Lisa and I had Pastor Sonny speak about at our wedding...Psalm 127:1 'Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain...' was brought to my mind. Who's building the framework of this family? Am I letting God, or am I trying to shove nails into the frame of our 'house' with my bare hands and shear force of will? He was right...I had taken the building of our 'house' upon myself...and I was seeing the fruits of my labor (or lack thereof).
I had been SO singularly focused on whether people where happy or OK and focused on if they were progressing according to MY image of where I thought everyone should be, that I had missed the slow blending that has been going on. In the months that have past since Lisa and I were married, we have seen our share of bickering, but we have also seen a bonding. Sometimes it's a couple steps forward...other times, it's a couple back, but God is build this house and besides, doesn't that honestly happen in families, blended or not, anyway?